we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
