i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
