they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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