I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
