Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
