i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
