The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
