Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
