Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
