It's Friday. Sex?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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