nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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