Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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