I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
