she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
