im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
