we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Someone came in the potted fern
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
