you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
