I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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