I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
