Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
