They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
