I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
