Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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