peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
