Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
