Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
