how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
