YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
