Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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