I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
