bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
