Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Farmville is her only friend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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