i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
