I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
