We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
