I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
