i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
