I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
