he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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