Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
