I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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