i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
