I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you mean i was at the winter classic?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
