When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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