So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
