Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
