Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
