you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
