So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
