rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
only if we run a train.
done.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
