I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
