Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
