Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
