my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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