Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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