I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
