he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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