So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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