I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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