The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
