People with herpes should wear stickers.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
