ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
