So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
