Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
