Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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