i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize