even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you win again, gameday.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
