I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
