her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
