Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
