remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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