anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
