I need help removing her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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