I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's get the cat blown out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
