we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
