fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i out mim tonsoeep
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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