I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im holly from the hills drunk
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
