We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
