I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
