C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
