1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize