woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
