I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
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