Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
