i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
