I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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