apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
