How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
