You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
