At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
