I have demons in me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize