im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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