what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize