I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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