The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
