puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
